Getting Grumpy?

**Disclaimer**  This post is crude...but funny.  If you are appalled or disgusted by bathroom humor, then stop right here.  Enjoy my other posts about music or dining out.  They are nice too. As for the rest of you, enjoy.  **Disclaimer**

Ok.  A couple months ago I heard my brother, Josh, refer to going number 2 as getting "grumpy".  I thought this was the most hilarious reference I had ever heard.  For weeks, I giggled every time I sat down to do my business.  I pictured a grumpy old man's face every time I pooped.  It seems odd to me now that I pictured an old man pooping every time I pooped.  I just made myself feel awkward in a room alone.  Crap.  Pardon the pun.

But now that I think about it, getting "grumpy" is the opposite description of what I would think someone experiences during that time.  Baring constipation, that part of the day is one of the most relieving and peaceful times of my life.  I mean think about it....does this guy describe what you experience on the "throne"?

He looks so mean and perturbed.  This guys says, "I'm not having a good time.  I would rather be doing anything else than taking the browns to the super bowl."  This is not me on the toilet.

Side note:  Speaking of Grumpy, I came across this when I was looking for pictures.  Anyone remember these books??  Maybe I am dating myself here, but I used to read these books all the time as a child.  Once again.....this is not me on the toilet.

THIS IS ME ON THE TOILET.  I realize as I am typing this that this topic might be a little too much for some people.  Maybe I'll put a disclaimer at the top.  Ok.  Done. 

This is me.  Going to the restroom is such a freeing, relaxing, nice experience that Happy Dwarf (or maybe Dopey depending on whether I am giggling on the toilet or not) best describes me I guess.  Look at him.  Remember when you were a kid and the pride you felt when you pooped in the potty instead of crapping your pants?  This is what Happy here has just done.  Look at him.  So Proud. 

Poop is such a time of joy and freedom.  It seems to me that the person who first called it "grumpy" was someone traumatized as a child in a bathroom.  A person who fears the very notion of poop.  Well I challenge that person to look at this picture and try not to smile.  How could something so innocent and happy looking be grumpy?  It can't.  By it's very nature it is a happy time.  Ridding your body of toxins.  And for those lucky and free souls who are fortunate enough to be able to have the door open?  Forget about it!  I like to have the lights off with the afternoon sun coming through the window.  Maybe I'm naked, who knows what the day will bring and what kind of mood I'll be in.  Either way it is a great, very rewarding time.

Now there are times when "grumpy" can be applied.  Here is a list of times that Happy Dwarf or the smiling, cute poop does not show up:

Mexican Food
Krystals
Thai Food
Gas Station/Rest Stop bathrooms
Places with 1-ply toilet paper (Nothing like multi-ply toilet paper.  It's like wiping with a quilt)

There you have it.  My poop rant.  Thank you Josh for the material.  Now go out there, be the best person you can be, and eat plenty of fiber.....but not too much.