Thursday, January 26, 2012


Ok, so I've been almost 7 MONTHS WITHOUT A POST!  This is a shame, it's inconsiderate, and for the most part, it's basically stealing joy from the public.  I am sorry.  Very very sorry.  So sorry that I'm back here now forcing something out just to get started again.  I'm like a guy who really doesn't have to poop, but he knows he hasn't pooped for a while.  So I'm just gonna sit right down here and force some word poop out whether something good comes to me or not.  My word colon is packed, so here goes.

Type you idiot.....spit something out.....ugh ok here goes.

I'm a father.  The father of a beautiful, smart, and hilarious baby girl.  She is the absolute center of my life, and no matter what I have gone through or how big of an idiot I have been, that little woman greets me with so much joy and adulation, I feel like a Saint.  There is no joy as great as when I am holding her when she is tired or sick and she just needs her daddy to hold her.

She goes to the corner to poop (in her diaper, not on the floor), she tries to ride the cat, and she loves eating anything she can find on the floor.  It's like she is a little me, because those are the exact same things I would do if afforded the chance.  Give me a diaper and I'll poop in that thing all day.  If a cat were big enough, I would ride it like a stallion, scratching and coughing up furballs at everything in my path.  And forget about it if I find food on the floor.  It's as good as eaten.  She's so much like me it's ridiculous.  But it's these times that make me look at myself and the man I've become.

I hope she is nothing like me.  I have become a cynical, sarcastic, miserable man, but it's that sweet little girl who is turning me back around.  I mean who wants a miserable old man as a father?  So here we go Isabelle.  You're going to have the kind, loving, understanding father you deserve!  Look out 2012, and the world for that matter, we're going to beat the hell out of you!

Your Dad,


P.S.  I know that was a LOT sweeter and less funny and sarcastic than my usual stuff.  I'll be back with funny things again soon.  Here's something awesome to tide you all over.....

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