Please Be Quiet

Have you ever been driving in your car and for one reason or another wanted to murder the complete stranger in the car nearest you?  Well today's post is for you.  We'll call it Be Aware You Share the Earth with Other Humans.  I've got a list!  If you are one of these kinds of people, please either change your behavior or kill yourself.  The latter is obviously the less desirable of the two.

1.  Movie Theater Narrator.  If I go to the movies and pay $11 to see something someone has made to entertain me, I trust that the movie alone is enough.  I don't need to hear you talking the entire time, either to each other or to the screen itself as if through some sort of idiot magic, the actor can hear you and be warned about the killer in the closet.  Shut your damn mouth.  Shut it.  SHUT IT!  That's better.  You may speak again during the credits.  Another less prevalent, but equally annoying, occurrence at the movies is the appearance of 12-15 year old assholes mid way through the movie.  Yeah, we know your mom won't pick your retarded ass up until 10:30, but take your butt out there to the curb like the rest of your kind and sit there until she arrives.  Just because Beauty and the Beast 3-D let out at 10 doesn't mean you can sneak into a rated R movie for a half hour and make noise and giggle and disturb everyone.

2.  Bad/Inconsiderate Driver.  We've all been there.  Some dickhole is driving in front of you slow as Christmas, but what does he do when you try to pass him?  That's right.....he becomes Mario Andretti in the final lap.  There are other examples of course: a.  The jackass who gets in the fast lane and drives the speed limit next to another person in the slow lane also driving the speed limit, creating a 65 mph blockade.  b.  The person who refuses to merge correctly.  Please don't slow to a complete stop on an on-ramp....you are supposed to speed up to merge into highway traffic moron.  c.  The person who does not get over when he sees someone trying to merge even though the lane next to him is completely empty.  and finally, d.  The idiot who breaks the sound barrier to get ahead of you and then slows to a crawl.  Now there are other examples of bad drivers: teenagers, people texting while they drive, asians, and women.  But these are universally accepted and kind of given a pass.  The only thing we can fault the women for is being outside of the kitchen....

3.  The Only Person on Earth.  You know the type.  The woman (it's usually a woman) who sees you allowing her to cross the street in a parking lot, but instead of acknowledging you with a wave or a thank you, she walks even slower and pretends she is the only woman on the planet and may move across this street at her leisure.  This is the same person who sees you holding the door open for her and does not speed up to get her fat ass through the door or even say thank you.  And I say fat because in most cases this woman is a beast.  Sometimes the same woman as the one who parks in a handicap space (with no handicap other than obesity), walks 30 feet to the door, and then rides a rascal scooter around Target.  You are fat because of these things....park your huge behind in the back row, walk to the door, and WALK through the store.  Back to the point......this person is also usually the bad driver AND the person who talks during movies.  They are the only person on Earth. 

4.  People Who Say Things Like "Irregardless".  These aren't really the dregs of society....they just bother me.  Stop saying irregardless, fustrating, and words of that nature.  Pecan is pronounced peh-con, salmon is pronounced sa-mon.  You don't pronounce the P in pneumonia do you?  You bother me.

5.  Teenage Style Texting.  I won't go too deep into this one, because most of the people seeing this post on facebook or wherever are probably the main perps in this case.  If you are over 20 years old, it's time to stop putting lol, lmao, rolfmao, smh, hmu and other garbage in your texts.  You're an adult now.  CALL PEOPLE.  It's a phone....texting is a SECONDARY FUNCTION.  Spell out "two", "are", and "you" PLEASE.  Thanks :)


These are the main culprits who contribute to my rage during the day.  I know there are more out there and I'll post them as they come to mind.  The main point is.....and I hate to say this......WE NEED TO BE MORE PATIENT.  Regardless of how inconsiderate they are to the other inhabitants of this earth around them, they are just that to us.....fellow humans.  We should try to show them that this kind of behavior is unacceptable, instead of just thinking murderous thoughts about them.  Let's make this world a better place. 


And this is just because it is hilarious to me....you're welcome.